Misery Or Happiness: The Keys To Living Healthly, Loving Relationships That Last

We hear it everywhere—from talk shows and books, during relationship seminars, in discussions with friends:  “Communication is the key to a happy relationship.” The belief is that if we will simply invest more time in communicating our thoughts, concerns, and needs to each other, we can overcome disagreements, reduce irritation, and eliminate hurting one another. I think the idea is utter non-sense. Certainly effective communication is a critical part of any loving relationship. Sharing thoughts and feelings and knowing you are each heard and understood can set the stage for emotional intimacy and enable problem solving. But there are limits to the benefits of communication. When a partner communicates criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or withdrawal, does that strengthen a relationship? It is communication! But it communicates judgment and rejection which harms relationships. When a couple continually talks about what is bothering them about each other, rehashing irritations and disappointments over and ove