Get Sex-smart

In this Q&A episode (the first ever on Get Sex-Smart!), Valeria and Sarah are answering your sex and relationship questions. Here's a timeline, should you like to jump to a specific one:  3:12 How do I figure out what my partner's fetish is? 9:10 My significant other wants to have the passwords for my phone and computer. Do I share my passwords or not? 15:30 My boyfriend insists on anal sex, but I don't want to have anal. What should I do? 27:05 Are dating apps ruining dating and relationships?  

Get Sex-Smart is back! After a few months' hiatus, Valeria and Sarah have returned with a new format, new ideas, and new sex-smart episodes! Tune into this short announcement episode to hear why we took some time off, what we've been up to, and how Get Sex-Smart is changing - hopefully for the better. And make sure to tune in on August 15th when our new season will return full force!

Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin are celebrating the past 99 episodes of Get Sex-Smart. In this more informal and intimate episode, we talk about how the show got started, what we love about it and maybe not so much, our favorite episodes, some personal stories - and a few rounds of a sex-themed game of "Would You Rather". 

Get Sex-Smart is back after a holiday break! Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin talk about five ways to spice up and add fun and new levels of pleasure and intimacy to a relationship that has gotten a bit predictable and stale. Ideas include touch games, playacting fantasy scenarios, and much more! 

Recent studies show that there is a big orgasm gap between men in women: roughly 65% of heterosexual women orgasm in partner sex, compared to an overwhelming 95% of heterosexual men. What's really interesting though is that lesbian women's orgasm rates are very close to those of heterosexual men at 85%. On today's episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about some of the reasons why orgasm rates are so much higher in lesbian women, and what contributes to their superior sexual satisfaction compared to heterosexual women.  EPISODE NOTES: Guardian article, "Do Lesbians Have Better Sex Than Straight Women?" https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/09/do-lesbians-have-better-sex-than-straight-women

Breakups are often painful, heartbreaking, and difficult to navigate. In this episode, Sarah Martin shares her recent personal experience of breakup and chats with Dr. Valeria about the newest science of breakups; why we are often so bad at breaking up; and what we can do to reduce the pain of ending our relationships.  EPISODE NOTES: Break up as a signifiant stress event, and "broken heart" syndrome: https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/can-you-die-broken-heart-science-proves-broken-heart-syndrome-ncna847831

In contrast to popular opinion, low libido and decreased sexual desire in men are actually very common. Many men struggle with the effects that loss of libido has on their self-esteem and relationships. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about the causes of low libido in men, how it affects men, and what can help. 

In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin break down the groundbreaking concept of arousal non-concordance. Simply put, our physical (genital) arousal doesn't always match our psychological arousal. This dramatically changes the way we view sexual desire, pleasure and consent. Tune in to learn why arousal non-concordance is important, and how it can change your sex life.   EPISODE NOTES: Emily Nagoski's Ted Talk, "The Truth About Unwanted Arousal" (a must wath!) https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_the_truth_about_unwanted_arousal?language=en

Get Sex-Smart is back from the summer break! In today's episode, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin chat about high libido women. Conventional thinking tells us that men tend to be more interested in sex than women and that women with high libidos are rare. But how true is that? And, while many men say that they would love for their female partner to be more sexually assertive, what actually happens when a woman wants sex more than her male partner? We answer these questions and more in this episode.  EPISODE NOTES: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski: https://amzn.to/2PGjmbA  

One of the questions we get asked most often is how much sex it's "normal" to have. Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin answer the question of what is normal sexual frequency. We also share our tips on how to tell whether you're having the right amount of sex; why you may not be satisfied about your sexual frequency; and how to be more satisfied with the amount of sex you're having. 

In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take a look at the concept of "sexual scarcity" or lack of sex, and the idea of the right to sex (or as some would call it, sexual entitlement). Tune in to find out how the sexual scarcity mindset affects our intimate relationships and sexual satisfaction, and how we can positively address the real feelings of frustration, sexual shame and disconnect that are the driving force behind this mindset.  EPISODE NOTES: Amia Srinivasan's essay in London Review of Books: https://www.lrb.co.uk/v40/n06/amia-srinivasan/does-anyone-have-the-right-to-sex

Today, Dr. Valeria and Sarah Martin are sharing their expert tips that will help take your masturbation practice from merely good to amazing. But that's not all! In today's fun bonus feature, Dr. Valeria and Sarah play a rousing round of sexual "Would You Rather" - with pretty hilarious and unexpected results. Make sure to stick around after the main discussion of masturbation is wrapped up, both to learn a fun and sexy game and to get up close and personal with your podcast hosts! If you want to jump directly to the fun bonus content, it starts around the 40 minute mark.  EPISODE NOTES: Sarah's featured interviews: BBC World https://www.bbc.com/news/world-44041947 The Guardian https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jun/19/multiple-orgasm-clitoris-science-research Dr. Valeria's featured print and video interview in Psychotherapy Networker: https://psychotherapynetworker.org/magazine/article/1159/silent-and-confused/00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000 Dr. Valeria's article in Busin

In today's episode, Dr. Valeria is interviewing therapist, researcher, author and kink sex educator Galen Fous. Galen shares his 5 keys to exploring our personal kinks and to successfully integrating them into our sex lives. We also discuss sexual shame, the challenges of sexual incompatibility between partners, the need for more sexual and kink education for therapists, and more. An in-depth and fascinating interview! EPISODE NOTES: Galen Fous' website: https://galenfous.com/ Personal Erotic Myth survey: https://galenfous.com/pem/ Galen's book, Decoding Your Kink: https://www.amazon.com/Decoding-Your-Kink-Explore-Wildest-ebook/dp/B017CKIIAE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1528996097&sr=8-1&keywords=galen+fous      

When it comes to sex, most of us have a past, along with some secrets and information that we keep private. But with relationships comes an expectation of sharing. So, what exactly should you be sharing with your partners, and how much? In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about what is reasonable to keep to yourself and what should be revealed in sexual relationships. Specifically, they discuss what to reveal and what to keep private about your sexual health; sexual history, number of partners, and past sexual behavior; history of infidelity and expectations of monogamy; masturbation and porn viewing habits; sexual fantasies; and past sexual trauma and abuse.   

Unsolicited "dick pics" have become ubiquitous in popular culture. Pretty much any woman who tries online dating inevitably ends up receiving her share of unwanted images of men's genitalia. So, why are men so keen on sharing photos of their penises with unsuspecting women? In this episode of the Get Sex-Smart podcast, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the most common reasons why men like to send dick pics, and the pros and cons of doing so in dating situations. EPISODE NOTES https://www.refinery29.com/why-men-send-nude-dick-pictures https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/los-angeles/we-sent-a-preemptive-v-pic-before-dudes-could-send-dick-pics-heres-what-happened http://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/30873/1/the-woman-turning-unsolicited-dick-pics-into-art    

Many dating experts specializing in heterosexual relationships believe that women should make men wait before having sex for the first time. Some believe that withholding sex creates a challenge so many men crave and increases a woman's value; others say that securing a commitment from a man before rewarding him with sex leads to a more secure relationship. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take on this type of dating advice; discuss what possible consequences it may have for these couples' sex lives; and give their own view of how first time sex should be handled in new relationships.  EPISODE NOTES: Ted Talk by Al Vernacchio, "Sex Needs a New Metaphor" https://www.ted.com/talks/al_vernacchio_sex_needs_a_new_metaphor_here_s_one

Having an active sex life with our partners often has a positive effect on our relationships. But did you know that having sex can help you perform better at work? In a recent study published in the Journal of Management, researchers found that when employees had sex at home, they reported feeling good at work the next day, as well as feeling more engaged and performing better. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin take a closer look at the study and discuss its potential for improving both our work lives and our sex lives.  EPISODE NOTES: From the Bedroom to the Office study: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0149206317698022?journalCode=joma Swedish sex leave for workers story: https://www.nytimes.com/2017/05/18/world/europe/sweden-sex-leave-town.html  

Sex-positive comprehensive sex education is rare in many places in the world, including the United States. For those of us trying to have sexual relationships, this means just doing our best and hoping it works. Unfortunately, our best often comes from porn, which was never designed to be an accurate representation of what sex actually looks like. In this episode, Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin talk about seven types of sex "moves" or behaviors, many of which men learn from porn, which end up turning women off in a big way and getting those guys "banned".    

This year marks the 20th anniversary of Viagra, an erectile dysfunction drug that revolutionized the pharmaceutical industry and changed our sex lives forever. But is Viagra actually good for our sex lives? The answers may surprise you. Dr. Valeria and sex coach Sarah Martin discuss the positive and negative sides of Viagra, and share their ideas on how to incorporate Viagra into your sex life for maximum benefit. 

Surrogate partner therapy isn't very well known to the general public, aside from receiving the Hollywood treatment in the movie "The Sessions". In truth, surrogate partner therapy can be an extremely effective and powerful healing modality for people suffering from a variety of relationship, intimacy and sexuality challenges. In this episode, Dr. Valeria interviews Andrew Heartman, IPSA certified surrogate partner, about what surrogate partner therapy really is about and how it can help us improve our sex lives.  EPISODE NOTES: IPSA: http://www.surrogatetherapy.org/ Andrew Heartman's website: http://surrogatepartner.us/   Human Awareness Institute: https://www1.hai.org/ This Is Life with Lisa Ling (CNN series), Episode "Sexual Healing" (Season 4, Episode 1) https://www.cnn.com/shows/this-is-life-with-lisa-ling