Mantalks Podcast: Purpose | Legacy | Relationships | Self Mastery | Business

Talking points: relationships, culture, sex, security, family I'm lucky to be interviewing experts in all kinds of fields, but it is consistently enjoyable to dig deep into relationships. What keeps the spark, how couples navigate conflict, and how people can with together to create secure and thriving partnership. Trevor's been at it for a long while, and his gentle yet firm approach is something to be respected. If you're with someone, pull this up and have a listen! (00:00:00) - Intro, and what is the “secret formula” for a successful love life, and what causes good sex in a bad relationship? (00:07:42) - How do you move out of attracting insecure relationships?  (00:12:57) - What can a secure person or couple do to combat potential boredom with a relationship? How can security be sexy? (00:18:43) - The importance of spontaneity for relational satisfaction (00:21:54) - How do you support a partner through fears and insecurities around relationships deepening? (00:27:35) - Navigating criticism, because yo

Talking points: leadership, accountability, group settings, masculinity If you're thinking about starting a men's group, or just want to know what to look out for, this one's for you. With everything going on in the world, I want to dig a little into creating your own men’s group—or what to look out for if you’re thinking of joining one. Because the truth is there are legions of men who would benefit from belonging to something focused on the mutual benefit of everyone involved. Seriously. (00:00:00) - Intro, and five traits to look for in the men you want for your group (00:07:58) - Where most guys go wrong: lack of leadership, clear roles, and overstructure (00:09:42) - The right amount of structure, and consequences of too much victimhood and not enough accountability (00:12:31) - What are some of the core ingredients of a powerful men’s group? Number 1: some like-mindedness (00:13:54) - A clear purpose, and clear rules of engagement (00:17:04) - A culture of calling one another forward, and strong moder

Talking points: culture, parenting, psychology, lying Parenting has never been easy, but our modern culture adds a few extra layers of challenge and questions. Fortunately (and sometimes unfortunately, as you might have found out), there's a mountain of info online. This week, I sat down with the brilliant Dr. Aliza Pressman to dig into what works, what doesn't, what parents are facing these days, and how to sift through it all. Lots of great info here for anyone who's got kids or who's thinking about it. Seriously. (00:00:00) - What kind of landscape are parents in now, and what do you think they’ll face in the future? (00:11:15) - How do parents prep their kids for the onslaught that is social media? (00:14:43) - Defining executive function, and how to build an environment that helps cultivate it (00:25:03) - How do you help your kid develop good impulse control? (00:32:09) - The early stages of development: what’s going on? (00:37:56) - On learning how to manage discomfort, create safety, and the importa

Talking points: attachment, psychology, mindset, relationships Alright team, this is one of the biggest guides yet! There were a TON of requests to cover this one, so I happily obliged. This attachment style is also called "disorganized attachment", and I've worked with a ton of men who have it. So let's dig in on what fearful-avoidant attachment is, how it affects relationships, and how to move back towards something more secure, authentic, and thriving with easy, deliberate steps. (00:00:00) - Intro and defining fearful-avoidant attachment, and how conflicting it can feel (00:08:20) - Where this attachment style starts, and what makes it different from anxious and avoidant (00:13:19) - What does fearful-avoidant look like in a relationship?  (00:15:38) - What builds a fearful-avoidant style? Neglect and/or inconsistency (00:23:33) - One of the most important (and unspoken) needs of a child (00:28:19) - Parentification, one of the most common causes of fearful-avoidant attachment  (00:33:37) - More on what

Talking points: purpose, initiation, adversity, grief, culture It isn't always easy to find a sense of purpose or meaning in life, never mind feeling initiated into maturity. In these chaotic times, it gets even harder. This is a special compilation episode featuring four masters of finding humanity, clarity, and meaning in life. Their combined efforts have helped legions of people get a better handle on life and all of its twists and turns. Two of them are people I revere as elders, and three work with men and purpose on a regular basis. Featuring ideas from... -Lion tracker, coach, and storyteller Boyd Varty: https://boydvarty.com/ -Depth psychologist Francis Weller: https://www.francisweller.net/ -Culture activist Stephen Jenkinson (unreleased material!): https://orphanwisdom.com/ -Writer, teacher, and coach Rainier Wylde: https://www.rainierwylde.com/ -Purpose guide Tim Corcoran: https://www.purposemountain.com/ (00:00:00) - Boyd Varty on the role initiation plays in a man’s life—and what happens witho

Talking points: psychology, mindset, self-talk This is one of THE things that blocks men from all kinds of growth and progress. An internal dialogue that is harsh, abusive, shaming, even cruel. Let's change that, shall we? If you or someone you know is constantly deprecating or talking negatively towards themselves, strongly encourage you to share this one. It's important. (00:00:00) - Intro, how prevalent a harsh inner critic is, and how nasty mine was (00:06:56)- Where does an inner critic come from, and how is it formed? (00:11:13) - Neglect and abandonment (00:15:52) - Trauma as an origin for a harsh inner critic (00:16:57) - “Dark motivation” and it’s useful but maladaptive power (00:23:15) - It damages your ability to appreciate or validate yourself (00:24:45) - What to do, what NOT to do, and questions you can use to find your inner critic’s origin (00:28:09) - Figure out what it wants (00:29:51) - Set some boundaries (00:31:34) - Repurpose the loyal soldier (00:34:31) - Build a relationship with t

Talking points: parenting, children, attachment, psychology You may have heard me mention Duey before. He co-facilitates the ManTalks Men's Weekends with me, and his work is absolutely incredible. I was thrilled to sit down with him last week, just before our sojourn to Texas. We dive into all things attachment. How children and adults experience it, when it starts forming, and how my own son has taught me some incredible lessons on it. Also, listen in for Thunderbutt. No, I'm not kidding. (00:00:00) - Intro and Duey’s take on why real elders don’t seek power (00:10:08) - How do we begin to truly understand our partner? (00:15:49) - On the importance of curiosity and not assuming you know someone—especially your partner (00:21:28) - What are the building blocks of really healthy attachment? (00:30:52) - Attachment is somatic, and how children are inherently, incredibly sensitive (00:45:27) - What “interrupts” attachment? Duey Freeman, MA, LPC is co-founder of the Gestalt Equine Institute of the Rockies, di

Talking points: mindset, psychology, the shadow If you've been following the show for a while, you'll know I'm a big Jung fan. You also don't have dive too deep into his work to find game-changing ideas of his. Here are 3 short yet sublime ideas of Jung's that you can reflect on—and maybe even execute on—pretty much right away. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:01:46) - “Who looks inside, dreams. Who looks outside, awakens.” (00:06:00) - “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” (00:10:12) - “Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.” *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out

Talking points: AI, porn, relationships, conflict Yowza. So grateful for Matthia's thoughtful and nuanced ideas on everything from artificial intelligence to therapy-speak to anger and approaching relationships. We go from the esoteric to the practical and back again, so listen in team. This is a great one to share with a partner. (00:00:00) - Intro, Matthia’s adventures with AI, and how it's already shifting culture (00:16:42) - When AI does things TOO well (00:20:32 ) - How AI will impact intimate relationships and the porn industry (00:30:37) - What do AI and AI porn mean for the next generation, and how they’ll be impacted (00:35:17) - How technology always has unintended consequences (00:43:05) - Why does everyone seem like a narcissist according to online commentary? (00:50:40) - On villain/powerlessness dynamics, and mature anger, and how trauma therapy is like a software update (00:58:20) - How couples can end cycling or repeat conflicts (01:05:55) - Mathia’s non-negotiables for lasting intimacy an

Talking points: mindset, emotions, habits, burnout Ever get the feeling you...don't feel anything? Yeah, me too. This is something that affects just about everyone at some point in their lives, and it contributes to overuse of all kinds of coping mechanisms. Here's what numbing out is, where it comes from, and a five-step method on how to get out of it. (00:00:00) - Intro and the biggest misconceptions around numbing out (00:05:26)- Don’t see numbness as a villain, and some numbness “caveats” (00:09:29) - What causes us to numb out? How is it a learned response? (00:14:55) - What we need to know before we stop numbing out (00:17:22) - The first step: what are you using to numb out? (00:18:36) - Create a plan, and why you shouldn’t expect cold turkey to go well (00:21:42) - If you have trauma, there’s a caveat (00:23:32) - Numbness is itself an experience (00:25:17) - Use your breath to reconnect to your body. Here’s why (00:31:03) - Look for sensation (00:33:45) - Final step: letting the sensations have a

Talking points: stoicism, mindset, philosophy, parenting Brian proves that Stoicism is anything but unenthusiastic. We cover so much ground here, and Brian's passion and joy for what he does is inspiring. If you're looking for clearcut ideas on how to craft a self and a life that you're proud of, this is the episode to listen to—and share with your friends! (00:00:00) - Intro and Brian’s defining moment (00:06:50) - What is areté? (00:09:02) - Why has there been a resurgence of stoicism? (00:14:42) - Brian on how to parent when things are floundering, and how stoicism tackles fear and laziness (00:21:24) - How does Brain raise his own son in an increasingly chaotic world? (00:28:47) - What are some challenges young boys face today that are unequivocally different than before? (00:39:11) - How does someone use Stoic principles to build more discipline with things turning to punishment? (00:45:56) - “So…do I just have to go through the suck then?” (00:51:54) - The science of hope (01:00:27) - What is “targete

Talking points: coaching, therapy, masculinity, mental health Eyebrow-raising title aside, I know from personal experience it can be wildly difficult for coaches and therapists who work with men to make actual progress. But! There are clearcut reasons for this, and there are clearcut things you can do. So if you're a coach or therapist who wants a better experience for both you AND the guy in your chair, listen in. If you're not one of those, then use this as a guide to help you find a coach that's right for you! (00:00:00) - Intro (00:01:50)- Therapists tend to work with men the same way they’d word with women (00:04:00) - The major reasons coaches/therapists struggle to get results (00:09:42) - So how do you actually get results? And why rapport is so important (00:11:38) - Get him out of his head and into his body (00:16:05) - Develop the skills to truly be with his intensity (00:20:54) - Identify where he feels he lacks competency—and build a plan (00:22:50) - Learn to work with a man’s resistance, an

Talking points: food, addiction, cravings I've gotta say, I enjoyed this one a lot. Glenn has a TON of practical, actionable, and science-based advice on tackling cravings—and a nice dose of good humor. Grab a pencil and listen close for this one, team. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:02:26)- Why are so many North Americans overweight? (00:10:01) - Glenn on the declining quality of food (00:17:24) - Getting away from packaged food is generally more important than a specific diet (00:19:57) - Why is overeating such a thing, how do we approach letting go of that, and “organismic distress” (00:39:24) - More helpful examples of organismic distress (00:43:17) - Where does understanding a craving start? (00:54:53) - How does a craving actually get extinguished, and the “extinction curve” that they take Glenn Livingston, Ph.D. was the long time CEO of a multi-million dollar consulting firm which has serviced several Fortune 500 clients in the food industry. You may have seen his (or his company's) previous work, theori

Talking points: anxiety, parents, relationships, attachment Thanks to everyone who's written in on these guides, I love hearing from you. Next up? Anxious attachment. What is it, where does it come from, and what you can do to work yourself—and your relationships—away from it. If you've ever found yourself doing stuff like getting anxious because they didn't text you back or because you need their phone password, this might be the ep for you. Curious about other guides? Check out my free PDF, A Man's Guide To Ending Codependency: https://training.mantalks.com/codependency (00:00:00) - Intro (00:03:14)- The core essence of anxious attachment (00:07:53) - Some differences between secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment (00:09:57) - Causes of anxious attachment; number one, inconsistent parental responses (00:15:08) - Ask yourself: how was my upbringing unpredictable, or where were my parents unpredictable? (00:17:19) - Cause number two: overly intrusive caretakers (00:23:38) - Cause number three: emotional

Talking points: trauma, hynotherapy, ADHD, insomnia, neurology, psychology Team, this is an episode chock full of info. I've never touched on the subject of hypnotherapy before, but it's interested me for a while. Professor David Spiegel came to dispel some of the misinfo around hypnosis as a therapeutic practice, and he offered a TON of insight into what's really happening in the mind and brain during a proper session. If you've ever been curious about hypnosis or are looking for new healing methods to try out, this is the episode for you. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:03:05)- Myths about hypnosis (00:09:14) - The neurology behind hypnosis (00:17:43) - Neurological similarities between hypnosis and psychedelic experiences (00:24:26) - More on what’s really happening in the brain during a hypnosis session (00:28:35) - Can hypnosis help with ADHD, and how men tend to have difficult accessing a somatic experience (00:35:52) - How can hypnotherapy help with trauma? (00:42:59) - Hypnotherapy and healing the somatic in

Talking points: relationships, conflict Key word there? Improve. There will always be some form of butting heads, no matter the relationship, no matter how long. But it doesn't have to be something that creates wreckage. It can actually be helpful. Here's what to do. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:02:27)- The first three minutes, and why conflict CAN be productive (00:04:57) - Know the role you tend to play (00:05:47) - Breathe and ground, breathe and ground (00:07:20) - Don’t get stuck in the objective reality and ignore the subjective experience of each other (00:11:33) - After a year, most couples already pretty set-in ways of arguing, aka this is gonna take practice (00:12:42) - Study (and I mean study) the first three minutes of conflict *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Le

Talking points: biology, nervous system, burnout, mindset, anger I've said a number of times on the show that people with regulated nervous systems are going to be extremely well-equipped for the coming days. To that end, I wanted to bring dysregulation expert Dr. Linnea on to show how important—and how possible—it is be grounded, regulated, and flexible in our responses to life. If you're chronically stressed, THIS is the episode to listen to. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:03:56)- Why is learning about nervous system dysregulation so important? (00:11:09) - What the ultimate core function of the nervous system really is (00:21:08) - The intelligence of anger (00:25:30) - How Dr. Linnea helps people identify and move through their anger (00:33:32) - How much are nervous system issues derived from our parents? (00:37:20) - On children, boundary testing, and how a little bit of adversity is actually beneficial (00:43:35) - What’s more important: developing sensitivity to your current nervous system or understanding

Talking points: attachment, mindset, relationships, psychology The last “A Man’s Guide” was a big hit. I had a feeling it would be, but the response still surprised me! Next up, a serious breakdown of avoidant attachment. Here's the definition, where it comes from, the signs, and tips for moving away from it in a relationship. This is a great episode to listen to with your partner. Take notes, discuss, and see what comes up! Lastly, thank you to everyone who reached out with comments, questions, ideas, and gratitude. I love doing these longer-form presentations; it means I get to nerd out and really lay things down. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:03:56)- Defining secure attachment versus avoidant (00:06:51) - Attachment styles don’t mean you’re broken or diseased in some way (00:08:20) - What an avoidant attachment style ultimately is, where it comes from, and one major type many men embody (00:15:12) - One major origin point of avoidant attachment: emotional distance or unavailability (00:23:59) - Another major o

Talking points: childhood, trauma, foster care, relationships We all know that poverty can have a massive impact on a child's future well-being, sense of self, attachment style, and more. Foster children face equally (if not more) significant challenges. Rob Henderson, author of the incredibly powerful book, "Troubled", explains some of what happens. Team, I strongly recommend this one if you're interested at all in childhood trauma, how attachment develops, the apparent demonization of young men, absent fathers, and of course, Rob's book. Seriously could NOT stop reading it. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:06:54)- How Rob approached writing such a profound book—and why (00:14:27) - What’s the foster-care system like in America? (00:23:01) - How does the foster-care system shape a child’s perspective on relationships? (00:36:01) - How Rob found a sense of belonging (00:39:23) - How did Rob repair or build relationships with men? (00:46:06) - Rob’s take on how absent fathers impact children (00:51:33) - On “Young Mal

Talking points: mindset, sabotage It's not easy, I know. We all do it, and we all wonder why. But there's a way forward—and it's simpler than you think, my friends. Listen in. (00:00:00) - Intro (00:03:12)- What people do immediately after sabotaging, why it’s NOT effective, and what to do instead (00:06:12) - Practical steps to move beyond self-sabotage (00:10:49) - If there’s one thing to take away from this *** Build brotherhood in person. Join a Men's Weekend Pick up my book, Men's Work: A Practical Guide To Face Your Darkness, End Self-Sabotage, And Find Freedom: https://mantalks.com/mens-work-book/ Check out some free resources: How To Quit Porn | Anger Meditation | How To Lead In Your Relationship Build brotherhood with a powerful group of like-minded men from around the world. Check out The Alliance.  Enjoy the podcast? If so, please leave a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, or Podchaser. It helps us get into the ears of new listeners, expand the ManTalks Community, and help others find the tools